As I woke up this morning it suddenly dawned on me, that in less than two weeks I would be leaving the place I have lived for the past 9 years and moving to literally start all over again. I will be moving in with family and I have their full support but I still have this immense feeling of WTH are you doing!!
Here I am leaving a full time job with the philadelphia school district to go work pt in retail at 30 yrs of age. I am so overwhelmed with the fact that it all is going to come crashing down around my head that I have gone back and forth a thousand times about staying or going. I finally came to the conclusion that staying meant dying.
If I did not move out of this place, people and surroundings my soul would literally dry up and die. As dramatic as this may seem to some it was my everyday truth. I couldn't go another minute knowing that this was it, that this was the pinnacle of my life. Here I was 29 yrs old no children, no spouse and no real accomplishments to my name. Inside I was hollow. Yes I was making a difference in the life of some of my kids but, I dreaded going to work. I would have anxiety attacks the night before where I couldn't sleep and my mind was racing. My body was literally rejecting the fact that I had to go to THAT place the next day.
It wasn't so much the work I had to do but the fact that I was sooooo unhappy doing it. And that is when I realized that there has to be more to MY life than just this. That I was created to do more to be more and this just was not my destiny. Yes I'm supposed to help children that much I'm sure of but not this way not in this capacity. As much as I feel like I have made a difference in the children's life I work with, I feel like I could be making a larger impact doing something else.
That is when I realized I needed a change. Change of environment, change of scenery, change of pace and people. There is a quote that I really like because it is so simple yet so powerful: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity" and that is exactly what I have been doing the last 4-5 yrs so now I'm stopping the insanity and stepping out of the box. I'm doing something I've never done in order to try and get different results.
So this blog will be my written journey. As I step out on faith and listen to my heart and try and find the path that is best for me. I will come here from time to time to express the ups and downs, the highs and lows, the triumphs and disappointments. I am so excited, nervous and scared as hell to start this journey but I can't wait!!!!
