Wow i haven't blogged in over a year so many things have taken place both good and bad. I've have been living in Greenville for 1 year and 6 months and in my own place for a year. It's been a struggle at times and a joy at times, I can definetly say that it has been an experience. I have been blessed to have learned some very valuable lessons. I have learned the love of family is strong and will carry one over the hardest trial and tribulations. The last year has seen me in positions I was not so proud of and in these situations I've learned that character is what and who you are when no one is looking. I also learned that forgiveness is a powerful tool, to the forgiven and to those who are doing the forgiving. This was probably the most important and valuble lessons I've EVER learned. In addition to learning lessons I was also granted many blessings one of which was being removed from a job that I hated to one that I absolutely LOVE!!!! I get to wake up every day and do what my passion is and someone pays me for it, God is sooooo good. All in all the last year and half has been defined by so much growth and I am exctited about it and can't wait to see where the next level of growth will take me!!!!
XOXO till the next time we meet
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Moment of Clarity
Had a few minutes on my hands so I thought I'd update my blog. So things are going pretty well, new job seems pretty cool. It kinda of reminds me of a mini high school, where everyone had their cliques and little groups and the rumor mill is constantly turning. The difference is now I know how to adapt to the silliness of it all. I've met some pretty cool people who i often hang out with, I was blessed to come in contact with some pretty like minded people who are all individuals.
I am still so happy i decided to move and don't regret my decision for one minute. Although there are some things I do miss the trade off is far greater.
Happiness.........
These past couple of months have taught me that happiness is found within. No matter how many things you may have or how many people you surround yourself with if you are not truly happy within yourself none of those things will ever make you happy. I have found joy in the quiet stillness when i first wake up in the morning. I take that time to thank the creator for allowing me to be among the living once again and blessing me with not only all that I need but most of what I want. I have found joy in the laughter of my five year old cousin who makes my morning every day by telling me he loves me just because. I find happiness in liking me. The person I've become and the woman I've grown to be.
So often we spend so much time and energy on external things that we think will make us happy that we miss the big picture and most importantly lose sight of ourselves. I have found her and i love, love, love her. I have come to find strength in my flaws and to understand they are what make me the amazing woman i am. I was listening to a song by Lyfe Jennings the other day called "Statistics" and there was one particular line in the song that hit home with me: Be the person you want to attract. It was like a light bulb had gone off in my head and everything just made so much more sense. Even though he was using it in the context of attracting the opposite sex, i find it rings true for relationships overall. If you practice your core values and principals then that is what and who you wil become and eventually who you will attract.
So that is what I am practicing being the person I want to attract: in Love, Life and Relationships overall. I am excited for this journey of self discovery and I am glad that I have the few people i have along for the ride. I have been blessed with an amazing circle of people who support, challenge, uphold and take care of me. I often refer to them as teamAlti because that's what i feel like we are and i would not be where i am without them. So once again this is my written journal to remind me that there are good times and there will be even better times even when the night is at it's darkest point the light will always come and dispel the darkness.
Dum spiro, spero: "While I breathe I hope"-Latin proverb
I am still so happy i decided to move and don't regret my decision for one minute. Although there are some things I do miss the trade off is far greater.
Happiness.........
These past couple of months have taught me that happiness is found within. No matter how many things you may have or how many people you surround yourself with if you are not truly happy within yourself none of those things will ever make you happy. I have found joy in the quiet stillness when i first wake up in the morning. I take that time to thank the creator for allowing me to be among the living once again and blessing me with not only all that I need but most of what I want. I have found joy in the laughter of my five year old cousin who makes my morning every day by telling me he loves me just because. I find happiness in liking me. The person I've become and the woman I've grown to be.
So often we spend so much time and energy on external things that we think will make us happy that we miss the big picture and most importantly lose sight of ourselves. I have found her and i love, love, love her. I have come to find strength in my flaws and to understand they are what make me the amazing woman i am. I was listening to a song by Lyfe Jennings the other day called "Statistics" and there was one particular line in the song that hit home with me: Be the person you want to attract. It was like a light bulb had gone off in my head and everything just made so much more sense. Even though he was using it in the context of attracting the opposite sex, i find it rings true for relationships overall. If you practice your core values and principals then that is what and who you wil become and eventually who you will attract.
So that is what I am practicing being the person I want to attract: in Love, Life and Relationships overall. I am excited for this journey of self discovery and I am glad that I have the few people i have along for the ride. I have been blessed with an amazing circle of people who support, challenge, uphold and take care of me. I often refer to them as teamAlti because that's what i feel like we are and i would not be where i am without them. So once again this is my written journal to remind me that there are good times and there will be even better times even when the night is at it's darkest point the light will always come and dispel the darkness.
Dum spiro, spero: "While I breathe I hope"-Latin proverb
Friday, April 23, 2010
3 weeks in
So I've made the move and have been in North Carolina for approximately 3 weeks and 1 day. I have to admit that when i first came I was ecstatic!!!!! I couldn't believe I had done it, I was doing exactly what I wanted. I had a job interview the day after I got here and was OFFERED the job. I was on top of the world, I had been offered a full time job and still had my pt at Old Navy. I just knew everything was just going to fall into place for me.
Nothing in life is that easy..........................
A week later I was called back in to sign the paper work for my new job and boy was i shocked!!! The pay was NOT what i thought it was going to be and the commissions were on a 180 day turnaround, not to mention from the months of November to January you weren't allowed to take any weekends off AND I had a 45 min commute everyday both ways. Needless to say I decided that although i needed full time employment that was not going to be it. Luckily my manager at Old Navy has been really awesome at giving me hours so I am working at least 4 hours a day.
Now at this point I was beginning to feel a little disheartened, so many things had just happened so easily and now here i was hitting road blocks. I began to get upset and second guess my decision, had I done the right thing?, was I to hasty?, should i have waited until I had found a full time job? All these questions and thoughts began to swirl through my head. At the same time I found out that my money output was more than my intake. So now i was doubly stressed. So i hopped on the computer and began to search for jobs. I began to apply for whatever i felt like I was qualified for, receptionists, babysitter, call center operator, you name it i sent my resume in for it.
All the while I'm still getting hours at ON, but when your used to working 8 hours a day sometimes 12, just four hours a day will drive you insane. So I finally got a call back from one of the places I sent my resume to and they inform me that the first step in the process is to come and take test, if you past the test and background check then you will be granted an interview. So i went and took the test on Wednesday and with the God's grace I was able to pass the test. So now begins the waiting game to see when they call me back in for an interview. This time I asked all my questions up front (pay, vacations, holidays and benefits) and they were all met satisfactory.
So the next step in my life was to get back into school. God places people in your life for a reason and I was able to find out without embarrassing myself that because my GPA was so low when I left Central that ECU would not accept me until i brought my GPA up. So now I knew that i definitely had to take the community college route, so another awesome person that God had placed in my life was able to tell me who I needed to meet with. I meet with the counselor and we go over my earned credits and what I want to get my associates in, I decide that I want to go ahead and get my AA in psychology and she determines that I only need nine classes to achieve that goal. Which basically means 1 year at LCC!!!! Awesome wonderful well it would be if I had not lived in Philadelphia for the past nine years. Yep you got it right OUT OF STATE tuition!!!!! And the numbers were astronomical, for a full roster which would be 12 credit hours ( four classes) $3000.00 I exaggerate not, in-state for the same amount of classes in $750.00
I was crushed.........just a minute ago everything was so simple things were just happening and falling in place and now here was door after door being cracked open only to be slammed shut in my face. I was beginning to find myself crying on my way to my four hour job and when i was trying to go to sleep at night and i felt the depression creeping into my spirit..............
But God always knows what we need and sends it to us in the nick of time. My family especially three of them have lifted my spirits so much in the last two days. They probably have no idea how much the small things they have done have given me life. They reminded me of the most important reason of why i decided to move: To be with them, to experience the small things, the big things and the in between things.
So after three weeks things aren't the way i thought they would be but they aren't as bad as i thought they could be.
On another note after i moved the young man that i was seeing decided to ask me to be his girlfriend.
And the plot thickens........................................stay tuned
Nothing in life is that easy..........................
A week later I was called back in to sign the paper work for my new job and boy was i shocked!!! The pay was NOT what i thought it was going to be and the commissions were on a 180 day turnaround, not to mention from the months of November to January you weren't allowed to take any weekends off AND I had a 45 min commute everyday both ways. Needless to say I decided that although i needed full time employment that was not going to be it. Luckily my manager at Old Navy has been really awesome at giving me hours so I am working at least 4 hours a day.
Now at this point I was beginning to feel a little disheartened, so many things had just happened so easily and now here i was hitting road blocks. I began to get upset and second guess my decision, had I done the right thing?, was I to hasty?, should i have waited until I had found a full time job? All these questions and thoughts began to swirl through my head. At the same time I found out that my money output was more than my intake. So now i was doubly stressed. So i hopped on the computer and began to search for jobs. I began to apply for whatever i felt like I was qualified for, receptionists, babysitter, call center operator, you name it i sent my resume in for it.
All the while I'm still getting hours at ON, but when your used to working 8 hours a day sometimes 12, just four hours a day will drive you insane. So I finally got a call back from one of the places I sent my resume to and they inform me that the first step in the process is to come and take test, if you past the test and background check then you will be granted an interview. So i went and took the test on Wednesday and with the God's grace I was able to pass the test. So now begins the waiting game to see when they call me back in for an interview. This time I asked all my questions up front (pay, vacations, holidays and benefits) and they were all met satisfactory.
So the next step in my life was to get back into school. God places people in your life for a reason and I was able to find out without embarrassing myself that because my GPA was so low when I left Central that ECU would not accept me until i brought my GPA up. So now I knew that i definitely had to take the community college route, so another awesome person that God had placed in my life was able to tell me who I needed to meet with. I meet with the counselor and we go over my earned credits and what I want to get my associates in, I decide that I want to go ahead and get my AA in psychology and she determines that I only need nine classes to achieve that goal. Which basically means 1 year at LCC!!!! Awesome wonderful well it would be if I had not lived in Philadelphia for the past nine years. Yep you got it right OUT OF STATE tuition!!!!! And the numbers were astronomical, for a full roster which would be 12 credit hours ( four classes) $3000.00 I exaggerate not, in-state for the same amount of classes in $750.00
I was crushed.........just a minute ago everything was so simple things were just happening and falling in place and now here was door after door being cracked open only to be slammed shut in my face. I was beginning to find myself crying on my way to my four hour job and when i was trying to go to sleep at night and i felt the depression creeping into my spirit..............
But God always knows what we need and sends it to us in the nick of time. My family especially three of them have lifted my spirits so much in the last two days. They probably have no idea how much the small things they have done have given me life. They reminded me of the most important reason of why i decided to move: To be with them, to experience the small things, the big things and the in between things.
So after three weeks things aren't the way i thought they would be but they aren't as bad as i thought they could be.
On another note after i moved the young man that i was seeing decided to ask me to be his girlfriend.
And the plot thickens........................................stay tuned
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
New Challenges
As I woke up this morning it suddenly dawned on me, that in less than two weeks I would be leaving the place I have lived for the past 9 years and moving to literally start all over again. I will be moving in with family and I have their full support but I still have this immense feeling of WTH are you doing!!
Here I am leaving a full time job with the philadelphia school district to go work pt in retail at 30 yrs of age. I am so overwhelmed with the fact that it all is going to come crashing down around my head that I have gone back and forth a thousand times about staying or going. I finally came to the conclusion that staying meant dying.
If I did not move out of this place, people and surroundings my soul would literally dry up and die. As dramatic as this may seem to some it was my everyday truth. I couldn't go another minute knowing that this was it, that this was the pinnacle of my life. Here I was 29 yrs old no children, no spouse and no real accomplishments to my name. Inside I was hollow. Yes I was making a difference in the life of some of my kids but, I dreaded going to work. I would have anxiety attacks the night before where I couldn't sleep and my mind was racing. My body was literally rejecting the fact that I had to go to THAT place the next day.
It wasn't so much the work I had to do but the fact that I was sooooo unhappy doing it. And that is when I realized that there has to be more to MY life than just this. That I was created to do more to be more and this just was not my destiny. Yes I'm supposed to help children that much I'm sure of but not this way not in this capacity. As much as I feel like I have made a difference in the children's life I work with, I feel like I could be making a larger impact doing something else.
That is when I realized I needed a change. Change of environment, change of scenery, change of pace and people. There is a quote that I really like because it is so simple yet so powerful: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity" and that is exactly what I have been doing the last 4-5 yrs so now I'm stopping the insanity and stepping out of the box. I'm doing something I've never done in order to try and get different results.
So this blog will be my written journey. As I step out on faith and listen to my heart and try and find the path that is best for me. I will come here from time to time to express the ups and downs, the highs and lows, the triumphs and disappointments. I am so excited, nervous and scared as hell to start this journey but I can't wait!!!!
Here I am leaving a full time job with the philadelphia school district to go work pt in retail at 30 yrs of age. I am so overwhelmed with the fact that it all is going to come crashing down around my head that I have gone back and forth a thousand times about staying or going. I finally came to the conclusion that staying meant dying.
If I did not move out of this place, people and surroundings my soul would literally dry up and die. As dramatic as this may seem to some it was my everyday truth. I couldn't go another minute knowing that this was it, that this was the pinnacle of my life. Here I was 29 yrs old no children, no spouse and no real accomplishments to my name. Inside I was hollow. Yes I was making a difference in the life of some of my kids but, I dreaded going to work. I would have anxiety attacks the night before where I couldn't sleep and my mind was racing. My body was literally rejecting the fact that I had to go to THAT place the next day.
It wasn't so much the work I had to do but the fact that I was sooooo unhappy doing it. And that is when I realized that there has to be more to MY life than just this. That I was created to do more to be more and this just was not my destiny. Yes I'm supposed to help children that much I'm sure of but not this way not in this capacity. As much as I feel like I have made a difference in the children's life I work with, I feel like I could be making a larger impact doing something else.
That is when I realized I needed a change. Change of environment, change of scenery, change of pace and people. There is a quote that I really like because it is so simple yet so powerful: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity" and that is exactly what I have been doing the last 4-5 yrs so now I'm stopping the insanity and stepping out of the box. I'm doing something I've never done in order to try and get different results.
So this blog will be my written journey. As I step out on faith and listen to my heart and try and find the path that is best for me. I will come here from time to time to express the ups and downs, the highs and lows, the triumphs and disappointments. I am so excited, nervous and scared as hell to start this journey but I can't wait!!!!
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